Tuesday, January 24, 2012

How Do You Mend A Broken Heart?

I am amazingly blessed to be living in an age where medical technology exists to prolong and improve our human existence.  I feel fortunate to live within driving distance of an amazing hospital dedicated to helping children heal.  It is truly miraculous that doctors can perform intricate heart surgeries on a daily and even hourly basis with immensely successful outcomes.  I thank God for allowing me to live in this now and with this daughter who just years ago who have had little hope for survival.  I thank God for her smile, for her laughter, for her pre-teen akwardness, for her hugs, for her kisses, for her making my bed and insisting it be a surprise, for her love of making brownies and for the life she's lived... but it's still hard.

Baylee and I spent the entire day together on Saturday getting manicures, pedicures, shellacks and more.  I wanted her to feel how much I love her and, selfishly, I was trying to shape a few more happy memories in preparation for her upcoming heart surgery this week.  I am overjoyed that Baylee can be relieved of arrhythmia complications, but it's still hard to send your baby to sleep and worry if she'll wake up.

Wednesday, Jan. 25th, I will take my sweet baby girl, just shy of her 13th birthday for her 1st heart surgery.  I say first because it won't be her last.  She will eventually require open heart surgery to replace a faulty valve due to her heart being transposed in her chest. The doctors on Wednesday will, through catheters, be able to remove a "flap of skin" that is making her heart take an extra beat (called WPW) and hopefully cure her of this potentially life threatening electrical problem.  Just saying that sounds so completely crazy to me.  From the non-invasive catheters, to the incredibly short one day hospital stay for heart surgery, to the results, I marvel at what a merciful God has enabled men and women to do for Our children... but it's still hard.

Emails will be slow in coming this weekend, though I think if our hospital stay gets extended that I may find myself posting from the pleather lounge chairs just to keep sane and distract myself from the what ifs.  I'm a pro at what ifs.  If there were some kind of medal for what iffery I'm sure I would win and hold the Guiness Book of World Records title.  However, I did hear an amazing song this week that has helped me create a new outlook on our journey to mend her sweet little broken heart:

I know that you're afraid and I am too.
But you'll never be alone I promise you.
When you're weak I'll be strong. 
When you let go I'll hold on.
When you need to cry I swear that I'll be there to dry your eyes.
When you feel lost and scared to death, like you can't take one more step,
Just take my hand, together we can do it.
I'm gonna love you through it!
-Martina McBride

I look forward to moving forward and loving my baby through whatever comes... but it's still hard.


  1. Best wishes for you and your daughter. I hope your 'iffery' comes out positive. May the Lord bless you all.

  2. You will be in our prayers! Our daughter Mallory had four open heart surgeries prior to her second birthday. She is a Hypoplastic Left Heart Child and is doing well today at the age of 18. We had a lot of whatifs along the way, but life is good now. They have perfected open heart surgeries in infants and have several good centers. She is followed by the team at Mott Childrens in Michigan. Prayer Works!!!!

  3. Love you (both) in all your what iffery. :) The prayers will keep coming.

  4. What a beautiful post. I so enjoy reading your blog. You seem to be such a selfless, giving person. Our prayers will be with you, and your sweet daughter.

  5. I will be praying for Baylee and the rest of your family, tomorrow!

    "I will lie down in peace and sleep, for You alone, O LORD, will keep me safe." -Psalm 4:8

  6. Amy - You are such a strong amazing woman!! Sincere heartfelt prayers go to you and your sweet little girl as well as the rest of your family.

  7. God knew you were strong enough, so He entrusted His sweet daughter to your care. He knew you and your husband would be able to teach her faith, love, hope and that she would emulate the strength you have shown. She is blessed to have you, and you will be blessed, through her, to know strength you never knew you had. But like you said, its still hard. This little family's prayers are with you!! You can do it!!

  8. My prayers are with you and your family! I know they work, they have for me, and you are never alone with those what if's! Hang in there!

  9. I can tell from your posts, you are such an amazing mother and I hope and pray all goes well for your sweet girl, you, and your family.

  10. Thanks everyone for your support! Crazy times!


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